Dr. Byers Faces His Most Difficult Challenge: The Common Cold

Since the dawn of time, the Common Cold has destroyed civilizations upon civilizations. Pillidging and raping the human immune system has been the Cold's only mission. Like a bat out of f**king hell, the Common Cold is a relentless, cold-blooded killer (HA, cwutididthere? #punny).

For Dr. Byers, nothing has ever presented a challenge to him. He's gone through all of his life without a single regret, or a need to ever proofread his written material.

However, this past week, the Common Cold drew blood from a god.

It began last week, when Dr. Byers first mentioned how he thought he was getting sick. Little did he know, however, that it was in fact the Common Cold. The same Common Cold that sank the Titatnic; the same Common Cold that started the Vietnam War; The same Common Cold that turned Matt Lauer into a douchebag. It was a test unlike any other. Dr. Byers knew deep in his mind that this wasn't child's play.

Tuesday: Dr. Byers came into class; it seemed as normal as any other day (except it wasn't). Dr. Byers spoke, and the roar of the Common Cold's damage to his throat was evident. This was no longer a game.

Tuesday Night (the following is assumed, and therefore, more credible): The war inside Dr. Byers was waging. Hour by hour, the bacteria from the Cold barraged the unsuspecting cells of Dr. Byers. Cilia clashed, cytoplasm dangled from the corpses, nuclei were impaled; the battle was an all-encompassing event of carnage.

Wednesday Morning: The aftermath of Tuesday's battle proved it was a stalemate. Millions upon millions of dead cells lay on both sides of the battlefield. It made the battle at Gettysburg look like a damn peace conference. Both army's rested from Tuesday's battle, as it was Wednesday--we all know the Sabbath for all Cells, regardless of bodily affiliation, is Wednesday.

Thursday: Silence was the only sound heard during the early hours of the day inside Dr. Byers. The enemy, the Common Cold, lay asleep, still resting from an eventful Sabbath (punch was served after the sermon!) The cells protecting Dr. Byers, however, devised an ambush. While the Cold slept, nestled into the crevices in Dr. Byers' muscle lining, the Byers' immune system attacked. BANG! White Blood cell bombs were dropped onto the unwary enemy. It seemed as though Dr. Byers' immune system was finally taking control. The siege went on and on without a single hitch.

What Dr. Byers' cells didn't know, however, was that the Cold had billions upon billions of reinforcements heading to the battle. These Cold cells are more brutal, and more barbaric.

To be continued.